Earlier this year Brian called to let me know he had just gotten out of the hospital and that he was on his way to living at a mission. He wanted to say good-bye and then said the reason for moving to the mission was that he had no money and that he hadn't eaten in days...oh that was just ridiculous so I asked where he lived and drove over and took him out to lunch and then we went grocery shopping and then when I was in his apartment dropping off groceries, saw that he was sleeping on the floor...with no mattress after having surgery just a week before. Gawd. That night I went to Target and got him an airbed. And so, I was introduced and then pulled into the life of Brian. And it really was sort of like a Monty Python movie because things kept getting so bad and sinking to such levels of worseness, Brian's life had really become a very dark comedy.
But Brian's now in a halfway house and is doing great and has a job and boss he really likes. I'm so happy for him. And even happier that he didn't get either of the first two jobs he interviewed for (one was at a slaughterhouse, the other at a pesticide plant). I think Brian is in the best place he could possibly be to get his life back on track. Dick told me to be careful when all this started. I told him that I was always careful and that I was not a reckless person...that I actually could use more "reck" in my life. Dick said, "Trust me, you have plenty of 'reck.'"
The thing is, all of Brians' decisions about whether to do something or not do something had all caught up with him in one dramatic week. And the reason I'm thinking about him, is because maybe Dick is right. This seems to be a year of dramatic ends and starts for a lot of people I know and maybe, me too. A lifetime of decisions and non-decisions that finally lead to something unexpectedly. Why do I say that? Well, Meg and I were driving around having fun imagining all the possible places we could live in the country and then we found some land that must have a spell on it because it compelled us to return again and again and again.
And dammit, now it's mine.
For the past week I have had the worst case of buyer's remorse. What the hell was in my head? The economy stinks. It's going to be bad for a long time. My employer announced that staff would be reduced 6-8% by the end of the year. And I'm old!!!!! I'm out of debt and now I'm getting right back into it big time. Really big time. And if I have a job at the end of the year, will I have one next year? How much more reckless can you get?
I've been trying to sleep as much as I can in the past five days so I can avoid thinking about what I have just done and whether I even want to proceed with this land ownership thing. Everybody who knows me says this has been my dream, to live in the country, have more animals, garden on a grand scale, that kind of thing. I had to ask myself if that was still my dream.
But look at this...
...and this. It is soooo beautiful.
They say you only live once....but then, Susan Boyle finally got her dream and it nearly killed her.